Saturday, January 13, 2007

My future

What do I want to do in/with my life? That's an extremely difficult question for me to answer right now. Honestly, I have to start out by stating very clearly that a lot of this is really open right now. My understanding of where I'm going in life has been shifting massively in the last year or so. Some background is perhaps needed. Some of this may be familiar to some of you; much of it may be new.

I came into college absolutely set on the idea of going through all the way to get a Ph.D. in physics - probably in something relating to high-energy physics, cosmology, and grand unifying field theories. The plan was to essentially go get a professorship and spend the rest of my life teaching physics and working to spread the gospel from that position, as a witness in the scientific community. That's a great vision, I think. But I'm not really sure it's what I'm called to. It's funny, because looking back, I got that in my head, essentially thinking, "That'd be really cool!" and then just ran with. I never stopped to pray about it. Which is odd, because I prayed a lot about college - where to go, how it was going to be covered financially, etc. I just never prayed about what I was supposed to be studying. I've been increasingly thinking about those things over the last year, though, starting last Thanksgiving when Travis Dunlap - who's been discipling me since then - challenged me to think about my purpose in life.

I'm increasingly convinced that God is going to do something radically different from what I had planned with my life. He's been changing my heart in so many ways - to truly and deeply care about the lost; to care about the state of the church (which is so asleep right now that it's infuriating); to care about His goals and purposes in this world. It's odd, really. I've come to very much value the Baptist Student Union - I think it's one of the best ministries on campus - but I just want to scream sometimes because even there people so easily fall into laziness and complacency spiritually. And I see the same thing everywhere, including (especially!) my own heart. And it breaks my heart. I want to change it.

And as I've been examining various things in the last few months in Men's Fraternity, I've been increasingly coming to the conclusion that physics may not be where I'm called. My parents seem to be a bit worried to hear me talking this way; I think they think I'm losing my sense of vision and getting confused in college like so many of the people we've known have. But I'm not. I'm getting God's vision

I honestly don't know what I want to be doing with my life at this point. I only know that I really want to do what God's calling me to, because I want to be effective for His kingdom. I know that He's gifted me immensely for a reason. I know that He's been putting me through various difficulties for a reason - preparation, like the forging of a sword - in the last year. I know that there are things He's told me through various people who don't even know each other, much less that they're saying the same things, that tell me that His purpose is going to be very interesting to say the least. I know that I'm called to tell people the gospel, and to communicate the truth of Scripture at an historical, a philosophical, a scientific, and a spiritual level. I know that I'm called to help wake up the church from its slumber to go and get active in the business of doing what God called us to: serving those around us, sharing the gospel, feeding and clothing the poor and the starving.

We can share the gospel with the whole world this generation if we will just get up and go. We need to be faithful to pray, and then we need to be faithful to actually go. So what do I want to do? I want to be a part of that.

I don't have a clue what that looks like, to be perfectly honest. It's something that's actually been crystallizing only in the last 2 months. It's really intimidating at times, because it's just way too big. I can't possibly do all of that. But then, that's the secret anyways - I can't do anything of myself anyways. We are nothing in our own strength; it is only the power of Christ in us, the Holy Spirit working through us, that avails anyways. And - this is encouraging, but in a way that makes no sense to the flesh - He doesn't need us! He can do it all without us. He chooses to use us when we obey, but He isn't relying on us to achieve His purposes. I guess that's encouraging in that confusing sense, but it's also encouraging because it means that He isn't frustrated or hindered when we mess up.

I still want to write music for the rest of my life; I still want to study physics because I love it. I want to discover something amazing. I want to score a movie or a videogame at some point. I want to hear the symphony orchestras of Europe - and I want one of them to someday play something I wrote. I want to write. I want to read. I want to publish a dozen books at least before I die. I want to marry, to have children - to be the best husband and the best father I can possibly be. I want to serve in the local church; I want to be invisible and do the kinds of things that need doing but don't need to be seen by the congregation. And, in contrast, I want to stand up in front of the whole church and yell, "Wake up! Go! We have been commanded!" I want to be one of those kinds of grandparents that the grandkids love to go visit, because he's so much fun to be around, whatever their age. I want to be full of quiet wisdom of the sort that only a long life surrendered to the Holy Spirit can bring. I want to be kind and gentle and humble. I want my wife to know that she's the greatest and most amazing and most treasured person in the world. I want my children to know that they are blessings from God to the world, but especially to me. I want to be able to praise God every day, to spend time in His word and His presence all the time.

I can't even express myself about myself very well. But insofar as I can, that's Chris Krycho.

In the midst of an ongoing conversation with a friend, we mutually posed the question to each other: what do we want to do with our lives? What do we dream of doing in this existence? Not just what job do we want to have, etc., but what is it that is our passion and our calling? This is a slightly tightened up version of my response to that question, which is why it's slightly more conversational and less formal than my average post on here. I hope you've been blessed at least a little bit by it; I hope you know me a little better now; and I hope that you'll take the time to think through those questions yourself.

- Chris

1 comment:

  1. I love how you approach this.

    You seem to be aptly named.

    I wish I had the aptitude for math that would enable me to study physics... but I don't so I shall have to be content with reading Scientific American and books written for the uninitiated.

    I also wish I could play musical instruments and sing...

    But then, I have been blessed with so many other things that it is perhaps a little sinful to want what I don't have.

    I want to thank yuo for the kind comment today, and for the link to my blog. It is an honor to be on such a short list. I shall have to come back and go through each of those blogs to see what they have to offer.

    God bless, Christ carrier.


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